Interweb Geeks Are Not Freaks - Ok?

Hi All

It’s been an interesting few weeks at Beechside. We’ve moved to the top of the league and nobody seems arsed. The locals seem more interested in holding autumn fates and burning witches than supporting their local football club. The crowds we get here are around the 190 mark, which isn’t bad for this level, it just isn’t enough if we want to progress further up the football pyramid.

We’ve been winning more than a spoilt brat quite recently though. A 4-1 home win against Leigh Genesis was the highlight, if only for me telling ex-Blackburn striker Matt Jansen to F**k off. It put him off and he was never in the game. It took a while for me to realise he wasn’t actually playing.

Carlo’s been handing out free passes to his Gentleman’s Club to the lads, to show his gratitude for their current form. Unfortunately none of the players own a decent pair of clothes, so they are never allowed in. Not sure if they flogged them to anybody, but a group of fans seemed a little too well-dressed to be attending a home match against Prescot.

Last week, I visited a local computer geek, Simon Dreary, who apart from showing me how to delete cookies from my computer, he also gave me some great kit. One piece of which is a nice little program that can track where a player is and how far he runs, so I can now keep track of the bastards AFTER training. This is very helpful if you’re busy with a players’ wife.

I was at Si’s (he doesn’t like me calling him that) for hours, the homebrew mild he had was only part the reason, the other was this free online interweb game called ‘Second Life’. Now don’t let any of its users hear you calling it a ‘game’ as they get very defensive and believe this virtual world is actually real.

Second Life is basically a 3-D virtual world that allows you to take control of your own person (or ‘avatar’, as they’re called) and travel to countless other places (called ‘Sims’) in the game and interact with people from around the world. Each of the Sims in Second Life are built by other users and it’s even possible to get jobs in there and earn virtual money to buy a house or a lap dancer, for example. By the stickiness of Si’s monitor, I 'came' to the conclusion that he had also had fun in ‘purchasing’ a few virtual ladies himself!

It’s a cracking game and you can do almost anything on there. I walked around a crap version of Paris in 1900 and then I was pestering lap dancers in a Carlo-type ‘Gentleman’s Club’ five minutes later! In fact, the only thing that the game doesn’t do is provide you with an angry, premenstrual, 30-year old Yoga instructor, who also happens to be your wife. My marriage is fine before anyone asks.

You can view more information and download the game from the Second Life website.

So it’s been a busy few weeks and it’s going to get even busier, as I will probably spend more time playing Second Life than bollocking young lads on a windswept football pitch! Stay tuned as hopefully we’ll be able to stay at the top of the table, as well as knowing what every player is doing and where.

Cheers

Paul